Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
