tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
