Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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