You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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