Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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