I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
