She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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