You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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