I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
