I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
