Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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