Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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