put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
