you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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