I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
