he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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