don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
