I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
