Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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