please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have feelings that need drinking.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
