I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
