We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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