So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
