I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I need a beard to bite.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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