I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
