Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You can't special order awesome
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize