when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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