if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
