last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
