Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you had me at cake vodka
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
