dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
