I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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