dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
