If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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