I must be too annoying 4 u.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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