Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
