guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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