I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
