somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
