I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
