I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
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Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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