highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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