I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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