Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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