was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
