You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
