I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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