I'm going to jail i love you
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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