You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
