Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
