if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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