Umm I'm too high to move.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
