Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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