I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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