I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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