there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
