youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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