Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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