am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I know her cup size but not her name....
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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