I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Don't make out with my wife yet
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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