Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
