if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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